Managing Stress Through the "Dichotomy of Control" & The 4 Second, 4 Minute, 4 Hour, 4 Day Method.

In today's fast-paced world, stress is an almost unavoidable part of life. But how we manage that stress can make all the difference in our Mental Strength. One powerful approach to managing stress is understanding the dichotomy of control (the distinction between what we can control and what we cannot).
I have decided to become truly focused on what I can control and letting go of what I cannot and I have developed a practical way to incorporate the dichotomy of control into my life. Through a method I like to call the 4 Second, 4 Minute, 4 Hour, 4 Day technique. This method helps me to pause, process my emotions, and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting spontaneously.
(See my personal icon for this combination within the mathematical symbol for a 4-sided triangle, need another post to explain this 😉).

4 Seconds (The Immediate Pause)
Whenever you feel stress or anxiety bubbling in the moment, immediately take a deep breath and pause for 4 seconds. This immediate pause allows you to catch yourself before you react impulsively. In those 4 seconds, remind yourself of the “Dichotomy of Control” and your right / privilege to pause and challenge yourself to reflect further.

4 Minutes (Reflect and Reframe)
Give yourself 4 minutes to fully process what you’re feeling & thinking. Use this time to reflect on the situation and identify the source of your stress.
Ask yourself, Why am I feeling this way? What is within my control? Reframing your thought with this in mind can help shift your focus from a reactive (negative) to a proactive (positive) mindset.

4 Hours (Take Constructive Action)
Over the 4 hours, understand, define, plan or take steps toward addressing the issue / things within your control. Whether it’s asking questions, sending correspondence, or simply organizing your thoughts before taking action.

4 Days (Deeply Evaluate and Adjust)
Finally, take the full 4 days and only thereafter, review how the situation has evolved. Have your actions or inactions made a difference? Are you still stressed about the same issue, or has it resolved itself? This period allows you to see the grander picture and will almost always result in you adjusting your approach through understanding. It also gives you the time to accept what’s out of your control and let go of it and truly learn from the experience in ways you would never aspect. (TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!)

Folks, the 4 Second, 4 Minute, 4 Hour, 4 Day method is my simpleminded way to manage stress by breaking down and leaving space for response time and emphasizing thoughtful action. By incorporating the "Dichotomy of Control" into my routine, I can better navigate stress and improve my Mental Strength.

Remember, not everything is within your control (most things are not), not even the emotions that fall upon you are in your control, with that said, you can however, control how you respond.

You can’t give away your past, but you can give away your future

 “You can’t give away your past, but you can give away your future”

Our past shapes us, but it doesn’t define what comes next. While we can’t change where we’ve been, we hold the power to shape where we’re going. Let’s focus on designing and building a future we’re proud to give forward.

Mental Health challenges can transform a Man’s life in very powerful ways.

Confronting and managing Mental Health can build unbreakable emotional & Mental Strength, resilience, and build a newly realized holistic and deep self-awareness and in turn help evolve one’s Identity.

Men who successfully navigate their Mental Strength often emerge with a new set of tools for coping with life’s stresses and are well positioned to give back to their brotherhood.

The stigma surrounding Men’s Mental Health needs to be dismantled once and for all. Men should feel empowered to seek support, guidance and take care of their Mental Strength without fear of being seen as a lesser person.

When Men support Men and are supported by family and their community, we recover from Mental Health challenges and emerge even stronger, more resilient, and more connected with ourselves and those around us.

We need to create a culture where Men can embrace vulnerability and recognize that Strength comes not from hiding our struggles but from embracing our trauma and facing them head on!

With that said, at the end of the day, remember no one will or can do it for us, we need to stand up and draw upon the courage we all have inside, to design and build the life we want and deserve.

How I Stopped Drifting and Took Back Control

There was a time when I felt like I was just going through the motions, pulled in different directions, lacking clarity, and slowly losing my edge. I was drifting.

Years ago, I made a choice. I took back control. Here’s what I did:

Redeveloped My Self-Awareness & Identity

I started checking in with myself daily, paying attention to my breath, meditating, walking, and training with intention. Self-awareness is the foundation of direction.

Created Structure

Discipline thrives in structure. I built a focused, intentional daily routine that keeps me locked in on my goals.

Strengthened Self-Discipline

I committed to doing the hard things, specially when I didn’t feel like it. Mastering myself became the key to mastering my path.

Stayed Physically & Mentally Strong

A strong body builds a strong mind. Training with discipline carries over into every aspect of life.

Built Brotherhood

I surrounded myself with men who challenge and support me. Iron sharpens iron.

Reconnected with Purpose

Every day, I ask myself: “What impact do I want to have?” Purpose fuels discipline, and discipline keeps me on course.

Drifting is Not Failure. t’s a Signal

It’s a wake-up call. The moment you feel it, you have the power to correct course. Take action. Be intentional. Self-discipline and small, consistent choices will always lead you back to solid ground.

 

Key Lessons I've Learned on My Journey

Over the years, life has presented me with a series of experiences that have shaped who I am today. Through triumphs and challenges alike, I've gathered insights that I believe could resonate with others on their own paths. I'd like to share these key lessons in the hope that they might offer guidance or inspiration.

Align with People Who Share Your Values and Vision

The company you keep profoundly influences your journey. Surround yourself with individuals who not only share your core values but also resonate with your vision for the future. These are the people who will support your dreams, challenge your ideas constructively, and celebrate your successes genuinely. When values and visions align, collaboration becomes seamless, and collective progress thrives.

Trust Your Intuition

If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Your intuition is a powerful compass that often senses underlying truths before your rational mind catches up. Trusting your gut can steer you away from negative situations and guide you toward choices that align with your authentic self. Listen to that inner voice, it's there to protect and guide you.

Live Through Your Subconscious Mind

Our subconscious mind holds the keys to our deepest desires, fears, and motivations. By tapping into it, we can gain profound insights into our behaviors and decision-making processes. Practices like meditation, mindfulness, or journaling can help you connect with your subconscious, allowing you to live more authentically and intentionally.

Prioritize Your Health

Your health is your most valuable asset. If anyone or anything tries to diminish its importance or convince you otherwise, it's crucial to remove that influence from your life, surgically if necessary. Prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Surround yourself with those who support your health journey and understand its significance in achieving your goals.

Embrace the Present Moment

No matter how brilliant you are or think you are, you cannot predict the future or live in it before it arrives. Similarly, dwelling on the past is a waste of the precious time you have now. Focus on the present, it's the only moment where life truly unfolds. By trusting your vision and living according to your values today, you pave the way to achieving everything you desire.

Cherish Those Who Are Truly There for You

Take a moment to recognize who stands by you:

• Who is there when you end your day and when you begin anew?
• Who remembers your birthday without a social media reminder?
• Who senses distress in your voice and reaches out immediately?
• Who supports you even when you aren't aware you need it?

These individuals are invaluable. Focus on them with pure kindness and proactive love. Nurture these relationships, they are your true support system.

Seek to Understand Before Accepting Advice

When someone offers valuable business advice, don't just accept it blindly—or worse, dismiss it without consideration. Pause and ask questions:

• What experiences shaped this advice?
• What were the circumstances and outcomes?
• How does it relate to your current situation?

By digging deeper, you not only gain a better understanding but also learn how to apply the insights effectively. Trust that experienced individuals know what they're talking about. In essence, ask to "see the scars," learn how they got them, and, if possible, connect with others involved in their journey. This comprehensive approach enriches your learning process.

Find Your Community and Give Back

Especially if you've faced struggles and emerged with valuable lessons, it's both a moral and universal responsibility to share your insights. Engage with your community, mentor the youth, and contribute positively to others' journeys. Giving back not only enriches others' lives but also adds profound meaning to your own.

Learn from True Experts

Time is precious. Don't spend it attending conferences featuring the same speakers who claim expertise on varying topics without substantial experience. Instead, seek out genuine subject matter experts, those with proven track records and real-world experience. Learning from such individuals provides you with practical knowledge and insights that can significantly impact your personal and professional growth.

Life is an ongoing learning process. By aligning yourself with the right people, trusting your intuition, living in the present, cherishing meaningful relationships, thoughtfully considering advice, giving back to your community, and learning from true experts, you set the stage for a fulfilling and successful journey. Remember, the most significant aspects of life are those present in your world today. Trust your vision, uphold your values, create and then listen to your voice and you're well on your way to achieving everything you aspire to.

Thank you for being part of my journey, and I hope these lessons resonate with you on yours.

 Memory updated

Here’s a draft for your post:

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As an Indigenous man deeply aware of my culture and identity, I walk with a profound awareness of who I am, both in mind and body. I today, live in a way that honors the wisdom passed down from my parents and community, embracing the strength that comes from a deep connection to the land, my family, and my spirit. My body is not just a vessel but a sacred entity, and through it, I channel the resilience and teachings that have been ingrained in my DNA.

Guided by the 4V model (Vision, Values, Volition, and Voice) I move through life with purpose. My vision is shaped by the dreams of my family and the future generations who look to me for guidance. My values are the foundation upon which I stand, drawn from the traditions, principles, and community that have nurtured my growth. Through my volition, I actively choose the path of growth and transformation, understanding that my journey is not just about me but about the collective well-being of all Indigenous peoples. And my voice? It carries the stories, the strength, and the spirit of my family, speaking truth to the power that lies within.

I live through my subconscious, deeply attuned to the flow of life and the signals my body and spirit send. My connection to who I am and what I need allows me to grow and evolve while staying rooted in the teachings that keep me grounded. Every step I take is deliberate, as I strive to create a future where I can flourish while also uplifting my family and community.

This journey is not just about personal growth, it’s about the collective journey of all Indigenous peoples rising with determination, strength, and purpose.

This is 40

So this is 40...

Why couldn't every year be 40...

Long ago, I figured that reaching 40 would be the end or at least the beginning of the end.

For awhile in my life I was confident I would not even see this day...

As well, when I speak to my 16 year ago, it reminds me how we all thought the world ended by 18 and or every weekend was our last...... lol..

Now that I am here, I could not be more pleased. After these years of experiences, I say with a great deal of confidence, I truly have NEVER been Happier, more Balanced and just overall Content.

I am in the best shape of my life Physically and Mentally.

Life is so precious, we often waste alot of time not living and just cruise along without smelling the roses, so to speak....  I certainly still need to slow things down and enjoy life even more in the years to come, and I intend to.. I have written a few blogs on my life's views, ect, ect.,won't bore you further with these insights. Well atleast for now!

Just want to say thank you to everyone I have experienced along my journey so far, good or bad, you've all had a huge part in who I am today. I would also like to take a moment to offer my apologizes to those I may have hurt intentional and or unintentional.

Life teaches you many valuable and often hard lessons, you have a choice to take these learning's to Improve or Harden....For those who know me, and for those of you who don't, trust me, I have become such a better person due to my overall life experience and still improving everyday....

I think I made a comment in a previous Blog about people changing and "you can't change someone else"....... I believe this is certainly the case for many ingrained maybe even genetic traits.....

But I do believe people can choose to change themselves; especially how they view life and how they behave.

I can only sum it up for me, in a very simple way / word: I just decided to "Care".

Care for myself, Care for my family, Care for my career, Care for a relationship..

Care for a stranger, Care for people who may judge.

Care enough in the given situation to speak up, help out, be present, listen, don't judge and support.

CARE, it's your Choice!

Thank you

Its been 6 months since the big day (wedding) and things are mostly back to normal. 

We got so much valued advice leading up to the wedding and so many great people involved in our big day and life overall. Figured I take a few minutes and summarize some of our wedding day thank you's, and add a few missed items that was over looked, due to the moment and mostly overwhelming emotions blocking thoughts.. :-)

The best advice we got leading up to the day, was "try and slow things down and enjoy each moment, try to mingle and ensure you interact with as many people as possible".

This was great advice, we did this and experienced such joy in every interaction and conversation. It was so rewarding seeing the personalized enjoyment people we experiencing.

Deanna and I wanted to build this great day not only to celebrate our union but more so to recognize our family and friends. We both believe whole heartily in sharing with others. 

We gained so much by sharing our day with the dearies people in our life, with people we know will be a huge part of our future. The day was filled with laughter, joy, happiness and tears; each of these moments are engraved in our minds and hearts.

We were blessed to have people travel to spend the day with us from all over the World and Canada. It was a long weekend and took place in Banff, not the most affordable and or convenient location to travel too. However our dear friends and family made no excuses, in most cases they actually went out of their way to join us and we can't tell you how appreciative we are for those who attended.

In our speech we could have went table by table, person by person and formalize personal thank you's, time didn't allow this, but please know how special each of you are.

We did have to thank a few people personally. 

We must thank all the people and groups associated with coordinating the day;

The Fairmont staff especially Mary Ann;

our DJ Fyhaz and Photographers, Sean and Cathleen;

Usher, Cody, Rory and Kevan;

Flower girl and Ring bearer, Davey and Dexter;

MC's, Kevan and Shane;

and a very special thank you to our Wedding Planner (Stephanie) and Lynn Fletcher Weddings, Stephanie truly made Deanna's dream wedding become a reality.

We both love our work and had many of our close friends from our groups in attendance. We are both extremely proud of our organization we represent and  pleased so many of our coworkers (friends) attended our wedding. 

We thanked the bridesmaids and groomsmen for standing with us, we are blessed to have such sincere and loyal friends. Within this special group we both had our best friend respectively by our side. They both mean a great deal to us, our long standing friendships are both built on a tight bond formed through many of life' s challenging and joyous experiences, we love them both!

We thanked our families and our parents and I now again provide special thanks to Dayna and Al (Deanna's Parents); who are our rock.

They are among the greatest people I personally have ever come across and knew the moment I met them that Deanna"s roots were solid and her foundation sound. She certainly is a combination of them both and it was easy for me to share her love for them. 

Dayna is the center of our family's universe, she is the master coordinator and we all revolve around her crazy whirlwind of emotions, ideas and love. 

Al is the anchor for the family and consistent voice of reason, the pillar that we all lean on. 

I've joke with Deanna many times if it wasn't for her wonderful family, I would have left her long ago..

JOKING BABE!!   --- love you.. :-)

Again, thank you to all for being part of our special day and thank you for sharing our life. 

Choose to Care....